Do or Literally Die Time

Tirelessly trying to recover from financial losses.It’s friggin’ hard. Basic things like rent, food, utilities are a constant struggle. Every cent goes towards an expense, with the only fun available through others, and by then I’m so friggin’ emotionally tired of the circle, it’s not even funny. Even my cat checks up on me while I’m trying to get sleep, which is often impossible. She puts her paw on my forehead and stares with a serious concerned look as if to say “are you ok? you don’t respond as quickly as you used to when I request something?” Great! Now I have to to worry about service requests complaints from Don Diva Missy Kitti, Miss Mafia herself!

Unlike most folks, I don’t have a parent I can move in with while getting back on my feet, I have to stay on my feet while trying to stay afloat. The only parent left would be a sure death sentence because they don’t listen or even understand the situation, and will be looking out for their best interest in the situation. The answer to everything, while they’re in malls buying needless things and travelling to resorts, is find another job, as in a job for everything (work 24/7). To say that to someone who’s worked for the past 22 years with no one providing any breaks or anything, and who lost it all in months to crooks is just so insensitive. Or the other favorite advice is don’t rely upon others, while sitting in church reading about what christians would do. So, a christian would let another human being suffer? And what’s their God’s name again? So I should isolate myself in misery and think of other humans as “invisible”, yup, I guess what their God would do. The worst advice I can’t even repeat as I can’t believe I’d hear it from a parent, nor have any of my friends’ parents even imagined stating similar things to their child. You know you have it bad when your parent, your supposed base of comfort, kicks you when you’re down. But I should expect this from this particular person who was never there to begin with. Had to live and learn around and in spite of them and without their “parental” advice.

And I’m not the type to rely upon a man, as most women do for all their needs. I’ve already seen enough miserable relationships from that routine. And I’ve been on my own since 18, so it would be a whole new world to rely upon someone for daily needs.

What baffles me is what person thinks someone wants to repeat something that was not easy the first time? I had to work through school, work through work, and more. The more I made the more taxes were deducted. (The house purchased was supposed to be a big tax break became the one thing I wished I hadn’t purchased as I could have left the SteelEye hustle debt free and happy with the high deductions.) Just when you’re looking forward to time off, extended hours come in for a company which probably doesn’t even remember your name at the end of the day. Or just when you’re enjoying your job, here comes a screw up manager with personal hidden agendas who throws a monkey wrench into everyone’s program!

But what can you do, except deal with what you have. I would just like my life and perfect credit/high score back, before I made that wrong turn to SteelEye/organized crime hell!! But that’s not going to happen, no matter how much I pray for relief. My only luck is that it’s been so long since I’ve been able to afford a full physical, who knows what I could be dying of from stress and skipping meals and not by choice.

Meanwhile, I get to see the hustlers living without a care in the world. I wonder why I didn’t become grimy after being cheated and why I literally expected one of the hustlers to have a conscience, or care. The funniest thing was actually calling the person after the check was returned and asking for a replacement (like it was that easy). This was the equivalent of calling Lucky Luciano and asking for property recently heisted back! While I was literally starving, losing my home and car and every single asset I worked for and to maintain for the future since there was no multiple income household situations for me, Channler Drawdy was being employed under deceit by another company as a high paying executive with fake credentials and probably got paid to leave that one too. Unlike Bob Williamson and his gay partner, Jim Sears, a Harvard professor, I didn’t have tons of assets, cash and other valuables lying around with no women or kids or to pay for. While they have access from fraud and deception, SteelEye doesn’t care and chances of unethical liars caring are slim to none. To them, I’m just one little black girl who can’t stop them from committing more fraud or stop them from getting sales from other unsuspecting customers, investors and partners. My situation was even discussed in their board meeting, but moreso for “how do we keep our asses clean on this one?”.

And the organized crime member was travelling the world with peace and tranquility promoting his new movie about another infamous criminal. Then had the nerve and audacity to get pissed (sent me death threats and more) that I was upset at what was done to me because it was interrupting his other hustles pending, as if I need to learn how to be a “good victim” and let them do their organized crime thing! Yeah, right!! Not in my crazy ass world! And ironically the movie, produced with stolen money while collecting welfare, was to trash law enforcement officers, and I have family members in law enforcement and various areas of civil service.

I just don’t get it. I’m trying to hold on. Reconnecting with my favorite person was a lifeline, but not enough since I had to move away to save money months before they were transferred to where I was and truly loved being. So I lost two things at once! I need to be happy and comfortable, otherwise, I’m not being fair to anything including myself. But where I am now, it seems almost like parting the Atlantic Ocean by sneezing.

But just when you think you have it bad, you see stories like this that make you think another day is worth it.

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