Cruel and heartbreaking cycle of physical, sexual and mental child abuse

Age 3-17
Constant fear and sadness, childhood lost. Normal memories overshadowed by painful memories and loss of trust.

Age 18-28
Covering up the pain – alcohol, drugs, destructive behavior, co-dependent, YOLO-may not be alive tomorrow crowd, “future seems like it’s ages away” or the future is not something you believe you’ll see. Or hopefully productive counseling to cope, if not, quack therapy moments that create more confusion.

Age 28-40
Alienation, expecting and wasting time waiting for some sort of “justice” or righting of wrong against you, regrets, dysfunctional relationships, isolation, financial instability from lack of consistent work or bouncing around from one chaos to another trying to find stability or trying to avoid dealing with core issue, time wasted. More counseling and probably medication at this point.

Age 40-60
1. Health problems begin from not taking care of self from 17-40. Health problems begin slow descent towards death.
2. Death – natural causes (from stress, poor health), suicide or murder (because of destructive persons around)

Age 60-80s
Limited mobility, limited options, day to day.

Age 80+
Unknown. 🙁 Can’t comprehend being alive that long anyway.

The cycle of abuse can end at any stage. First step is admitting not responsible for fucked up things ADULTS did to you as a child. You are NOT what they did to you. Get help and support. Stop worrying about people who won’t care about you and what they think of you, because, duuhhhh, they don’t care and it’s a waste of time. There are many support options including support groups and 12-step programs for survivors of child abuse.

Make amends with persons you’ve harmed along the way, persons you’ve harmed or mistreated because you thought abuse was normal behavior. Sometimes these persons will be your biggest supporters or the persons who help you reach a breakthrough.

Life is short. The only control you have over your past is learning from the mistakes. Where you have the most control: your future and what you want it to be and getting there, which can’t be done alone. Support and the right type of support is needed, and reaching out to right persons is a start. If you reach out and person is distant, in denial, dysfunctional, or simply “cannot deal with this because a reality show is on or it conflicts with who they’re trying to present themselves to others as right now”, try someone else. Think about the persons that were always there for you, the person you rarely see but consistently they’re always concerned for you, tell you they think about you and even reach out to you just to talk to let you know they’re there. There’s a reason each person enters your life, good or bad.

Most important, forget about the abuser(s). Enough energy and wasted time has already has been spent in their destructive world. Focus on bettering yourself and activities that keep you focused. If you have memories that are causing conflict, write them down and close the book on it. In fact, slam the book down when you close it. 😉

Dedicated to “Ginny”, who brought so much life into Santa Cruz, CA meetings, even with all of her tears from working through all of her pain. I hope she’s well and more important, I hope she’s at peace.

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